Saying Goodbye

I think I am going to quit blogging here. I am going to blog over at my over blog, Living In The Moment. I am trying to rethink my blog and what I want to do with it. I will leave these posts up for myself and others. Be sure to come to my main blog, Living In The Moment and see what's happening. God bless you all!

Becoming More Like Christ Through Your Children

I have been thinking a lot about my life now compared to my life before a husband and children. They look so different,but it's not in a bad way. I was so comfortable in my life prior to being a Mother. I really had no idea how comfortable either. I remember praying almost daily for the Lord to make me mold-able and mold me more into the image of Christ. Little did I know, He would do that with my children.

I stayed at my college Sunday-Tuesday and was home the remaining days of the week with my parents. I went to church every Sunday and every Wednesday. I always knew what to expect and it was very comfortable to me. We had powerful services where people cried out to God for many different things and I was being changed,but I was still comfortable. Does that make sense? I really didn't have many challenges. I did well in college,I had great friends,I had a wonderful family,and I lived monetarily comfortable. The biggest challenge was a test to study for or being afraid to do a drama on stage with the Joshua Generation. At the time,those seemed huge and to God they did matter. They did help mold me when I called on the Lord for His help and strength.I just had no idea that the "hard" molding would be after I had children. I don't say that in a bad way or a demeaning way. I love my children and I am honored God gifted me with them. I had no idea what Motherhood would be like. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very much awakened to my selfishness though. I learned to put myself last and my babies first. I am still learning that. I look back and think wow to have a test to study for again ha! I have to draw from Him every second of the day or I will not make it. Dependent? Why yes,very! Crying babies,fighting brothers,and a dirty house can get to anyone after a while. I am raising human beings! How can I not depend on God for guidance?! Though some days I long to be carefree young one again,I am thankful for the things God uses to mold more into His image. My boys are so sweet and loving. They sure aren't perfect,but they sure are my heart.

I have learned so much about how God sees me as His child by having children. I love my children even when they do wrong and when they do something I have told them not too. God feels the same about me. Nothing really can change how He feels towards me. He loves me with an ever lasting love. My children are not old enough to do something that would be so shocking to us as parents yet,but I can imagine my love would not change for them. I may be angry,upset,shocked,or even ashamed,but I will still love them. It's amazing how God uses our children in so many ways to relate to us. So God knew what He was doing by giving me children. I struggled with a lot as I grew up. I was also so shy,timid,and fearful. The Lord has delivered me from such things. It tries to rear it's ugly head time to time,but I know now I am loved by my Father in heaven. I don't need man's approval on my looks because my Father says He sings over me with His banner of love. I don't need to put my trust in lucky charms to ward off evil,I have the Word of God that puts fear into the powers of darkness. I don't have to feel unworthy or invisible I know God sees every aspect of my being and my worth lies in Him alone. My husband doesn't bring me worth nor do my kids. My Father's thoughts of me brings my worth. I am simply worth loving because He says so. Isn't that wonderful?! The passage in Romans 8 that takes talks about not being separated from the love of Christ has a whole new meaning when you know  your Father intimately and if you have children it sheds a new light on it also.

I used to think I had to be perfect in order for God to love me and this was when I was born again and seeking God. I wasn't in a sinful state. I thought I had to pray so many hours a day,read so many chapters a day in my Bible,and go to church every time the doors were open. In my new phase of life,God has been showing me that the apostles were by no means perfect. Peter cursed,Paul killed many Christians,and others did things that were not right in God's eyes. They repented for their sin though. They never were perfect as Jesus,but they never stopped seeing what they did as sin when it was sin. I may not can pray for hours without distraction or read 10 chapters of the Bible a day without distraction. I will get angry at my kids and yell. I will get frustrated with my husband and not tell him. I will get annoyed by having to pick up a zillion times during the day. BUT I have to continually repent for my thoughts and my words. I have to acknowledge I sinned and  look to God to help me not to continue to make the same mistakes over and over. My outlook on a Christian life has changed a lot in 6 years. God has opened my eyes to a lot of things I thought were true,that are not true by any means. He's showed me a lot through my children.

So what have you learned through your children? What has God taught you about Himself and yourself?


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
 Romans 8:35-39

Writing A Little

It's been awhile since I have written at this blog. Things have gotten sort of busy around our home. I have updated a few times on my other blog Becoming A Titus 2 Woman,but not a lot. I just need to write some.

I am 6 days away from having my third child. Yes, 3rd,it takes me by surprise every now and then. It's my third boy too. That really takes me by surprise. How did me,the girly girl, end up with 3 little boys? God saw fit that's how. I really love it! I would never have thought I wanted 3 boys,but I love watching this little men grow. I will be going in for a schedule c-section the morning of Wednesday 29th. It will be my third one,but unlike the other two it's planned. I'm not nervous yet,but I am sure I will have some nervousness that morning,then again may be not.

Life will forever change again for my husband and I. We joke that every time we think we are out of the woods with the baby we get pregnant again. It's funny. Our first definitely wasn't planned 4 months into our marriage and well the other two weren't planned as far as are we ready for another? Do we want another now? It's what happens to married couples I am told. You reproduce your legacy. It'll be fun having that newborn around again. That smell. That touch. That feel of being their all in all. My 3 year old is growing up so much. He is starting to transition to Daddy's boy. I must admit there is a tad of sadness at times. Not that he wants his Daddy,but that he is growing up. He will be 18 before we know it. He is starting to really show his masculinity too. Yesterday, he said look at my muscles. Then, he kept on saying watch Mama what I can pick up and picking up anything he thought was deemed heavy. It was cute. My 20 month old is still a Mama's baby,but is picking Daddy to do more than he used too. He's following in brother's footsteps and of course wants to do everything Daniel does. What will I do when my last is all grown up? I'll be sad I know. It's strange how you wish the days away when they are so young,but when they are grown you wonder where the time went. The last few weeks I have been trying,key word trying, to just enjoy it being them two since I knew when Johnathan would arrive. I admit that is hard when you have 40 extra lbs,are very tired,stay hungry,and have no family near to relieve you. It's hard,very hard,but like I was telling my husband anything worth fighting for is the blood,sweat,and tears so to say. We are fighting for our boys and their lives. That may not make sense at first,but we are doing just that. There is an enemy who seeks to kill,steal,and destroy anyone he can. He doesn't care how old or young the prey is,just as long as he can do those three things. I admit too,it's so hard to remember to pray,pray,pray when you are neck deep in dishes,diapers,and whining children. When do you have the time? Where do you find the time? I've had to learn to adjust big time. I am a planner and well with kids really nothing stays how you plan it most of the time. I think it's just a way for God to help us let go of what we think is the right or perfect way. I hate when things do not go as I have planned out in my head,but I have been working on that too. I'm learning Mama sets the tone of the household whether she knows it or not.

With all the growing up they do comes more understanding of things. Daniel and I have some great talks about a lot of things. He remembers and will ask more questions. That is what I love. I feel like finally I am doing something worthwhile,in reality what we do before then is worthwhile too,but it may not feel like it. Meeting your baby's needs up until the point of pre-school age is very important. I can say I have met my 2 babies needs beyond that and it's not been easy,but it's been what I am called to do. Daniel likes to get his story book Bible out and pick a story and let me read it to him. We talk about the day Jesus will return too. Usually during supper I turn the radio on the local Christian station too and he loves that. I talk to him about serving God or serving the devil. He loves to hear about Jesus on the cross,but it makes him sad too. I explain to him if not for that we would have no personal connection with God. Of course, he doesn't understand it all,but it's stepping stone. We pray what we discuss with them at an early age will be itched in their hearts and mind as we continue to talk about more at different ages. It's really awesome. I love that part of being a Mom.  Another part I love is when Daniel tells me he loves my hair or my toes are pretty,meaning the polish. He randomly hugs me or says I love your spaghetti. Aaron is saying I love you now and it's so cute and sweet. So the hard,trying days are definitely worth it.

Your prayers would be appreciated next week as we go in for surgery. Peace of my family. My Mother will be coming to watch our boys while we are in the hospital and a little bit after to help out. I'll be sure to update and put some pictures up. If you have twitter and don't follow me,request too b/c I will have pictures on there. HeatherKae27 is my name. Thank you in advance for your prayers!

Did you think this is where you would be?

I'm editing and cropping pictures on my computer from December. As I look at them, I know I am blessed. My boys are so beautiful inside and out. Their eyes twinkle and sparkle. You can see adventure in their eyes and you can see love in them. Being a Mother is very hard sometimes,but it is so rewarding. There are days when I think what have I done?! Two kids under 2 and one on the way?? Then, I have these moments,I know it's not what I've done,but what God has done. He's blessed my husband and I with 2 vibrant children,boys to be exact. Now we are awaiting to know what our third child will be. It's weird to think when I was in high school God knew what laid ahead in my future specifically. Some people don't think God is a personal God,well He is. He's very personal. To the point He knows how many hairs are on my head and yours too.

He has a specific purpose for our lives I believe and a general purpose. I believe the general purpose is to come to know Christ as your Savior and to glorify God. For each person I do believe He has a specific plan. Some He wants to go to other countries and spread the good news of His Gospel. Others he wants them to work at places we think you may not share the Gospel, like Wal-Mart,Burger King,and so on. Then He has those like me, and many of you, who are to stay at home with your children and teach them His laws,Word,and statues. I remember growing up used to want to be a lawyer. It was my dream. I watched a lot of Matlock. :) I wanted that even until I was in high school. I did not want to be a wife or a Mother really. My Mom stayed home with us until I was in the 10th grade. Some unfortunate events happened and she had to go to work and bring in income. But in that God used her and still uses her to spread His Word to those she meets and works with. God knew she would have to go to work one day and since she was willing to be a light,He continues to bless her. I just never thought I would find the man of my dreams. Didn't we all want that? The guy who made us swoon. The one who said all the right things. I think most of us did.

After high school I waited 2 years before entering college. I met some people and begin attending a new church. There I think I really begin to trust God with all of my life. I had said a prayer at 10 asking Jesus into my heart,but I really did nothing after that. I really had no clue what it was like to live for God or be on fire with passion for the Lord. I did not have wild life,but I had no passion. I said vain prayers and wasted much of my time. In my early 20's I began to devour the Word. I would stay in my room for hours reading and highlighting and writing down passages. My Momma would come into check on me and see if I was alright. I then went on a mission trip that really rocked my world. I knew I was designed for a purpose and my heart went to missions. Three years went by and I had graduated from college and found the man of my dreams. Though he doesn't always say the right things,he does make me swoon. His love for me does not have to be shown with diamonds or flowers. It does not have to be in a Valentine's present each year with a dozen of roses. His love is shown for me through his hard work he does as a State Trooper;through his eyes as he tells me I love you; through how he takes care of our boys; through staying faithful to me even in a very tempting job environment. So I can say I would not have thought this is where I would be at age 27. I really thought I would be in the mission field fighting of diseases and bringing the Word to a foreign people. But like Psalms says,As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.Psalm 18:30. I love being a wife and Mother. I love staying at home. I love washing dishes and vacuuming (most of the time hehe..). I love what God has called me to do.

It's Gonna Be Worth It

I have not been around much due to the morning/afternoon sickness and just being busy. I wasn't sick up until week 7,then it got bad and that was last week. I eat pretty good in the morning and at lunch,then for a short period I am blah and feel sick. Sometimes it last until I go to bed and sometimes it doesn't. I got to see my Nurse Midwife(she is in the hospital,so technically a Certified Nurse Midwife) on the 6th of November. She had Thyroid surgery not long ago and was only going to be in for 2 weeks and then out until the first of January. We corresponded through email and she saw me on a day she doesn't see patients. I think it's pretty cool I have that close of a relationship with her.

So we talked about the pregnancy and the birth. I did not know what to really expect as far as what she would suggest. There are 12 months between all the pregnancies. With Daniel I found out right around his 1st birthday I was pregnant and the same thing happened this time. When Aaron had turned 1 I was already 4 weeks. I never would have dreamed that would have happened either. We were not planning to have anymore so soon due to medical factors. I had 2 c-sections after laboring a good while with both boys. My uterus just wasn't in great shape and we wanted to wait at least 2 years. She asked first what I wanted and I was honest with her. I told her I had no clue what I wanted. We talked about it a little more and she told me what she would suggest. I trust her and value her opinion. She gave me the reasons and I really do know it is for the best. She suggested to schedule a c-section at 39 weeks. Though it is not what I want at all,I do think it would be wiser this time around. She said if there were 18 months between each birth she would suggest labor some,but she just doesn't want to risk anything. She helped me last time go for a VBAC and we really thought it was going to happen. I was very let down and very depressed about not getting the vaginal birth. It was like working to hard and it crashing on you. I still do not know why it could not just magically happen,but all I knew to do was trust God.

Like I said we were not planning anymore for awhile,well, obviously God had other plans for us. I know He knows what is best,but it didn't change the fact I was a little scared. I never wanted a period so bad. I went to the bathroom numerous time a day for like a week and just knew I would not be pregnant. It's not that we did not want more children,but it was the timing. We knew for about 2 weeks before telling our families and friends. We are excited! It just doesn't feel real. I can't believe I'll be a mother for 3. So after talking with Cindy and I consulted Tammy(the friend I used for my Doula,who is also a Midwife) I think we will just schedule a c-section. I really don't have a choice unless I want to fight for labor. I trust Cindy and I know she isn't just doing this to get me out of her way. She wants to be there with us during the c-section and afterwards to help me nurse. She is a wonderful woman and Nurse Midwife.

I have to be honest though. My heart is hurting. I long for the natural birth. I did both labors before without medication,but never got the vaginal birth. It's just something I am very passionate about. Sometimes my passions can really hurt me,if that makes sense. I am very determined and very strong willed when I think it is the only way or the right way. My NM isn't saying I can never have a vaginal birth,just that I should let more space be between the births. So I know it is possible,it would just be a lot of changes in my eating habits,more so than with the last pregnancy. I have so much to write,but just am not ready yet. I really need God to heal me inside,emotionally. I know it may sound silly to some of you,I thought so too when I would read about women not birthing how they wanted and being very upset. But your prayers would be appreciated. I know I am no less of a woman just because I have to have a c-section,but deep down you hear a lot of things from the enemy. You see these other women have 4 and 5 hour births with no problem and you labor for 42 hours with no avail. It really will scar you. I know on the other side I may know why God chose this path for me,but for now all I can do is praise Him in the storm. I know also I have SO much to look forward too. A sweet little baby. A newborn. Another child to rear by God's Word. I am so blessed,but I am deeply wounded. Yes, we'll have the c-section and I will bring that beautiful baby home,but when I'm all alone I will always wonder why this path God.

Thank you for your prayers and comments.

God's Blessings

We found out last week that I am pregnant with our third child. We were a little shocked,but happy too. I was really hoping for that time of the month to roll around. Aaron just turned a year on the 23rd. I was a little concerned with my body. I had 2 c-sections with the last 2 babies and my uterus was not in great shape. I kept thinking there is no way I can be pregnant again. But after talking to God,my husband,and friends I know God has my best interest at heart.

It's not easy being a Mother,but it is so rewarding. I get to impact souls directly for the kingdom. Wow. It's not easy giving up your fertility to God either. I don't use birth control,but only chart my fertility. I believe it's the best and most natural way to space your kids out if you wish. There are 21 months between Daniel and Aaron and there will be 21 months between Aaron and this baby. Ironic? I think not. I kept thinking how in the world will I take care of 3 under 3? Daniel will be 3 1/2 and Aaron will be almost 2. I know there will be tough days,but God will be there to guide me. He will provide me with the strength and grace to parent and take care of these little ones. I feel humbled and honored really.

Who knows how many more we will have? I don't,but God does. He will watch over me and the baby these 9 months and bring us through delivery. I'm not sure about how I will deliver either. I want a VBAC,but we will have to see. God knows how I will deliver. I can strive for the best and He will work out the rest. Just keep us in your prayers. We do not live close to family or friends. So it can be stressful for me when my husband leaves and goes to work daily. Thank you! Off on another journey!

What is the true origin of Christmas?

After reading this post from Ashley@Putting God First and then this one from Sarah Mae@Like a Warm Cup of Coffee, I started thinking about somethings. My husband likes the part of Christmas that pertains to the birth of Christ,but he doesn't like the commercialization of it. I don't either,but I love to decorate and pull the Christmas Tree out. I have been wanting to do something different though. Not the same ol' thing. Different is born in me,it's a part of my being. It always has been. My Mother will be the first to tell you that. When everyone else was wearing the new styles,I stuck with my old ones. When everyone else was doing this,I was doing opposite. Now, that I'm a believer in Christ I want to be the different He wants me to be. Back to the Christmas subject. On Sarah Mae's post she talks about Advent Calender and the Jesse Tree. That isn't the only website for the Jesse Tree,but I liked the devotions and ornaments from that one. I really liked that idea! I thought, I will tell my husband about it and see what he thinks. I wanted to incorporate more about Jesus birth and not just about presents and we don't do the whole santa claus thing either. My husband liked the idea,but suggested we just keep our tree or get a smaller one. We both said we could keep talking about it and see what we would do. I used to be one who thought without a Christmas Tree it just didn't feel like Christmas. How naive of me. How ridiculous. I always said well it's just a family tradition that I love to do. Decorate the tree,the house,and go looks at lights. Hmm.... I think God is stirring something in me and calling me to let go of somethings.

Today I read this post from At the Well. I really liked it. I read about why Lisa and her family do not do Halloween and read some of the links. God prompted me to do a search on the origin of Christmas..... Did I want too? Sort of,but not completely. I found a few sites that I skimmed over found some pretty disturbing facts. I found one I was reading,but I haven't finished. It seems very reliable,but I haven't read it all. This is the site,ChristmasTruth.info . It hasn't got the author or anything about who is composing the information. If anyone could help me find out who it is,I would like that. It isn't just a thrown together site that's for sure,it has resources with each statement. The others I found were with denominations.

 I started thinking, I can't not do "Christmas"! What will our family think? Our friends? My husband? I'm not saying what I will do as of now. I do know that God has brought me to this for a reason. I discussed it some with my husband this morning and he said we could do some research and pray about it to see what God takes us. I have come to a place over the last year where I am ready and willing to let go of the tradition though. By that I mean, the decorating and all. It's about Christ,not a tree,or decorations. From some of the sites I have been reading the day we celebrate his birth is nowhere close to the  date some have gained from facts. It's a pagan day for the sung god. I won't go into more about all that, you can read and research it. If it is a pagan holiday that is still celebrated and it is not even remotely close to his birthday I just do not want to celebrate it on that day. I'm an all or nothing type of person. My husband will tell you that.

Is it crazy that God may be leading me not to celebrate Christmas on this day? I don't know. I don't think it is. He calls us to things that He may not call others too. I'm not writing this to condemn or judge,as my blog says it's from my heart. I have questions and I just want to do what God wants us to do,not my family,friends,or the world. Anyone have any thoughts for me? We are a very different family anyways,so this wouldn't shock anyone I don't think. They may think we are nuts,but oh well I guess. My husband and I will be researching and praying about this. Thanks for reading and for any input.