I have been thinking a lot about my life now compared to my life before a husband and children. They look so different,but it's not in a bad way. I was so comfortable in my life prior to being a Mother. I really had no idea how comfortable either. I remember praying almost daily for the Lord to make me mold-able and mold me more into the image of Christ. Little did I know, He would do that with my children.
I stayed at my college Sunday-Tuesday and was home the remaining days of the week with my parents. I went to church every Sunday and every Wednesday. I always knew what to expect and it was very comfortable to me. We had powerful services where people cried out to God for many different things and I was being changed,but I was still comfortable. Does that make sense? I really didn't have many challenges. I did well in college,I had great friends,I had a wonderful family,and I lived monetarily comfortable. The biggest challenge was a test to study for or being afraid to do a drama on stage with the Joshua Generation. At the time,those seemed huge and to God they did matter. They did help mold me when I called on the Lord for His help and strength.I just had no idea that the "hard" molding would be after I had children. I don't say that in a bad way or a demeaning way. I love my children and I am honored God gifted me with them. I had no idea what Motherhood would be like. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was very much awakened to my selfishness though. I learned to put myself last and my babies first. I am still learning that. I look back and think wow to have a test to study for again ha! I have to draw from Him every second of the day or I will not make it. Dependent? Why yes,very! Crying babies,fighting brothers,and a dirty house can get to anyone after a while. I am raising human beings! How can I not depend on God for guidance?! Though some days I long to be carefree young one again,I am thankful for the things God uses to mold more into His image. My boys are so sweet and loving. They sure aren't perfect,but they sure are my heart.
I have learned so much about how God sees me as His child by having children. I love my children even when they do wrong and when they do something I have told them not too. God feels the same about me. Nothing really can change how He feels towards me. He loves me with an ever lasting love. My children are not old enough to do something that would be so shocking to us as parents yet,but I can imagine my love would not change for them. I may be angry,upset,shocked,or even ashamed,but I will still love them. It's amazing how God uses our children in so many ways to relate to us. So God knew what He was doing by giving me children. I struggled with a lot as I grew up. I was also so shy,timid,and fearful. The Lord has delivered me from such things. It tries to rear it's ugly head time to time,but I know now I am loved by my Father in heaven. I don't need man's approval on my looks because my Father says He sings over me with His banner of love. I don't need to put my trust in lucky charms to ward off evil,I have the Word of God that puts fear into the powers of darkness. I don't have to feel unworthy or invisible I know God sees every aspect of my being and my worth lies in Him alone. My husband doesn't bring me worth nor do my kids. My Father's thoughts of me brings my worth. I am simply worth loving because He says so. Isn't that wonderful?! The passage in Romans 8 that takes talks about not being separated from the love of Christ has a whole new meaning when you know your Father intimately and if you have children it sheds a new light on it also.
I used to think I had to be perfect in order for God to love me and this was when I was born again and seeking God. I wasn't in a sinful state. I thought I had to pray so many hours a day,read so many chapters a day in my Bible,and go to church every time the doors were open. In my new phase of life,God has been showing me that the apostles were by no means perfect. Peter cursed,Paul killed many Christians,and others did things that were not right in God's eyes. They repented for their sin though. They never were perfect as Jesus,but they never stopped seeing what they did as sin when it was sin. I may not can pray for hours without distraction or read 10 chapters of the Bible a day without distraction. I will get angry at my kids and yell. I will get frustrated with my husband and not tell him. I will get annoyed by having to pick up a zillion times during the day. BUT I have to continually repent for my thoughts and my words. I have to acknowledge I sinned and look to God to help me not to continue to make the same mistakes over and over. My outlook on a Christian life has changed a lot in 6 years. God has opened my eyes to a lot of things I thought were true,that are not true by any means. He's showed me a lot through my children.
So what have you learned through your children? What has God taught you about Himself and yourself?
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35-39
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Writing A Little
It's been awhile since I have written at this blog. Things have gotten sort of busy around our home. I have updated a few times on my other blog Becoming A Titus 2 Woman,but not a lot. I just need to write some.
I am 6 days away from having my third child. Yes, 3rd,it takes me by surprise every now and then. It's my third boy too. That really takes me by surprise. How did me,the girly girl, end up with 3 little boys? God saw fit that's how. I really love it! I would never have thought I wanted 3 boys,but I love watching this little men grow. I will be going in for a schedule c-section the morning of Wednesday 29th. It will be my third one,but unlike the other two it's planned. I'm not nervous yet,but I am sure I will have some nervousness that morning,then again may be not.
Life will forever change again for my husband and I. We joke that every time we think we are out of the woods with the baby we get pregnant again. It's funny. Our first definitely wasn't planned 4 months into our marriage and well the other two weren't planned as far as are we ready for another? Do we want another now? It's what happens to married couples I am told. You reproduce your legacy. It'll be fun having that newborn around again. That smell. That touch. That feel of being their all in all. My 3 year old is growing up so much. He is starting to transition to Daddy's boy. I must admit there is a tad of sadness at times. Not that he wants his Daddy,but that he is growing up. He will be 18 before we know it. He is starting to really show his masculinity too. Yesterday, he said look at my muscles. Then, he kept on saying watch Mama what I can pick up and picking up anything he thought was deemed heavy. It was cute. My 20 month old is still a Mama's baby,but is picking Daddy to do more than he used too. He's following in brother's footsteps and of course wants to do everything Daniel does. What will I do when my last is all grown up? I'll be sad I know. It's strange how you wish the days away when they are so young,but when they are grown you wonder where the time went. The last few weeks I have been trying,key word trying, to just enjoy it being them two since I knew when Johnathan would arrive. I admit that is hard when you have 40 extra lbs,are very tired,stay hungry,and have no family near to relieve you. It's hard,very hard,but like I was telling my husband anything worth fighting for is the blood,sweat,and tears so to say. We are fighting for our boys and their lives. That may not make sense at first,but we are doing just that. There is an enemy who seeks to kill,steal,and destroy anyone he can. He doesn't care how old or young the prey is,just as long as he can do those three things. I admit too,it's so hard to remember to pray,pray,pray when you are neck deep in dishes,diapers,and whining children. When do you have the time? Where do you find the time? I've had to learn to adjust big time. I am a planner and well with kids really nothing stays how you plan it most of the time. I think it's just a way for God to help us let go of what we think is the right or perfect way. I hate when things do not go as I have planned out in my head,but I have been working on that too. I'm learning Mama sets the tone of the household whether she knows it or not.
With all the growing up they do comes more understanding of things. Daniel and I have some great talks about a lot of things. He remembers and will ask more questions. That is what I love. I feel like finally I am doing something worthwhile,in reality what we do before then is worthwhile too,but it may not feel like it. Meeting your baby's needs up until the point of pre-school age is very important. I can say I have met my 2 babies needs beyond that and it's not been easy,but it's been what I am called to do. Daniel likes to get his story book Bible out and pick a story and let me read it to him. We talk about the day Jesus will return too. Usually during supper I turn the radio on the local Christian station too and he loves that. I talk to him about serving God or serving the devil. He loves to hear about Jesus on the cross,but it makes him sad too. I explain to him if not for that we would have no personal connection with God. Of course, he doesn't understand it all,but it's stepping stone. We pray what we discuss with them at an early age will be itched in their hearts and mind as we continue to talk about more at different ages. It's really awesome. I love that part of being a Mom. Another part I love is when Daniel tells me he loves my hair or my toes are pretty,meaning the polish. He randomly hugs me or says I love your spaghetti. Aaron is saying I love you now and it's so cute and sweet. So the hard,trying days are definitely worth it.
Your prayers would be appreciated next week as we go in for surgery. Peace of my family. My Mother will be coming to watch our boys while we are in the hospital and a little bit after to help out. I'll be sure to update and put some pictures up. If you have twitter and don't follow me,request too b/c I will have pictures on there. HeatherKae27 is my name. Thank you in advance for your prayers!
I am 6 days away from having my third child. Yes, 3rd,it takes me by surprise every now and then. It's my third boy too. That really takes me by surprise. How did me,the girly girl, end up with 3 little boys? God saw fit that's how. I really love it! I would never have thought I wanted 3 boys,but I love watching this little men grow. I will be going in for a schedule c-section the morning of Wednesday 29th. It will be my third one,but unlike the other two it's planned. I'm not nervous yet,but I am sure I will have some nervousness that morning,then again may be not.
Life will forever change again for my husband and I. We joke that every time we think we are out of the woods with the baby we get pregnant again. It's funny. Our first definitely wasn't planned 4 months into our marriage and well the other two weren't planned as far as are we ready for another? Do we want another now? It's what happens to married couples I am told. You reproduce your legacy. It'll be fun having that newborn around again. That smell. That touch. That feel of being their all in all. My 3 year old is growing up so much. He is starting to transition to Daddy's boy. I must admit there is a tad of sadness at times. Not that he wants his Daddy,but that he is growing up. He will be 18 before we know it. He is starting to really show his masculinity too. Yesterday, he said look at my muscles. Then, he kept on saying watch Mama what I can pick up and picking up anything he thought was deemed heavy. It was cute. My 20 month old is still a Mama's baby,but is picking Daddy to do more than he used too. He's following in brother's footsteps and of course wants to do everything Daniel does. What will I do when my last is all grown up? I'll be sad I know. It's strange how you wish the days away when they are so young,but when they are grown you wonder where the time went. The last few weeks I have been trying,key word trying, to just enjoy it being them two since I knew when Johnathan would arrive. I admit that is hard when you have 40 extra lbs,are very tired,stay hungry,and have no family near to relieve you. It's hard,very hard,but like I was telling my husband anything worth fighting for is the blood,sweat,and tears so to say. We are fighting for our boys and their lives. That may not make sense at first,but we are doing just that. There is an enemy who seeks to kill,steal,and destroy anyone he can. He doesn't care how old or young the prey is,just as long as he can do those three things. I admit too,it's so hard to remember to pray,pray,pray when you are neck deep in dishes,diapers,and whining children. When do you have the time? Where do you find the time? I've had to learn to adjust big time. I am a planner and well with kids really nothing stays how you plan it most of the time. I think it's just a way for God to help us let go of what we think is the right or perfect way. I hate when things do not go as I have planned out in my head,but I have been working on that too. I'm learning Mama sets the tone of the household whether she knows it or not.
With all the growing up they do comes more understanding of things. Daniel and I have some great talks about a lot of things. He remembers and will ask more questions. That is what I love. I feel like finally I am doing something worthwhile,in reality what we do before then is worthwhile too,but it may not feel like it. Meeting your baby's needs up until the point of pre-school age is very important. I can say I have met my 2 babies needs beyond that and it's not been easy,but it's been what I am called to do. Daniel likes to get his story book Bible out and pick a story and let me read it to him. We talk about the day Jesus will return too. Usually during supper I turn the radio on the local Christian station too and he loves that. I talk to him about serving God or serving the devil. He loves to hear about Jesus on the cross,but it makes him sad too. I explain to him if not for that we would have no personal connection with God. Of course, he doesn't understand it all,but it's stepping stone. We pray what we discuss with them at an early age will be itched in their hearts and mind as we continue to talk about more at different ages. It's really awesome. I love that part of being a Mom. Another part I love is when Daniel tells me he loves my hair or my toes are pretty,meaning the polish. He randomly hugs me or says I love your spaghetti. Aaron is saying I love you now and it's so cute and sweet. So the hard,trying days are definitely worth it.
Your prayers would be appreciated next week as we go in for surgery. Peace of my family. My Mother will be coming to watch our boys while we are in the hospital and a little bit after to help out. I'll be sure to update and put some pictures up. If you have twitter and don't follow me,request too b/c I will have pictures on there. HeatherKae27 is my name. Thank you in advance for your prayers!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Did you think this is where you would be?
I'm editing and cropping pictures on my computer from December. As I look at them, I know I am blessed. My boys are so beautiful inside and out. Their eyes twinkle and sparkle. You can see adventure in their eyes and you can see love in them. Being a Mother is very hard sometimes,but it is so rewarding. There are days when I think what have I done?! Two kids under 2 and one on the way?? Then, I have these moments,I know it's not what I've done,but what God has done. He's blessed my husband and I with 2 vibrant children,boys to be exact. Now we are awaiting to know what our third child will be. It's weird to think when I was in high school God knew what laid ahead in my future specifically. Some people don't think God is a personal God,well He is. He's very personal. To the point He knows how many hairs are on my head and yours too.
He has a specific purpose for our lives I believe and a general purpose. I believe the general purpose is to come to know Christ as your Savior and to glorify God. For each person I do believe He has a specific plan. Some He wants to go to other countries and spread the good news of His Gospel. Others he wants them to work at places we think you may not share the Gospel, like Wal-Mart,Burger King,and so on. Then He has those like me, and many of you, who are to stay at home with your children and teach them His laws,Word,and statues. I remember growing up used to want to be a lawyer. It was my dream. I watched a lot of Matlock. :) I wanted that even until I was in high school. I did not want to be a wife or a Mother really. My Mom stayed home with us until I was in the 10th grade. Some unfortunate events happened and she had to go to work and bring in income. But in that God used her and still uses her to spread His Word to those she meets and works with. God knew she would have to go to work one day and since she was willing to be a light,He continues to bless her. I just never thought I would find the man of my dreams. Didn't we all want that? The guy who made us swoon. The one who said all the right things. I think most of us did.
After high school I waited 2 years before entering college. I met some people and begin attending a new church. There I think I really begin to trust God with all of my life. I had said a prayer at 10 asking Jesus into my heart,but I really did nothing after that. I really had no clue what it was like to live for God or be on fire with passion for the Lord. I did not have wild life,but I had no passion. I said vain prayers and wasted much of my time. In my early 20's I began to devour the Word. I would stay in my room for hours reading and highlighting and writing down passages. My Momma would come into check on me and see if I was alright. I then went on a mission trip that really rocked my world. I knew I was designed for a purpose and my heart went to missions. Three years went by and I had graduated from college and found the man of my dreams. Though he doesn't always say the right things,he does make me swoon. His love for me does not have to be shown with diamonds or flowers. It does not have to be in a Valentine's present each year with a dozen of roses. His love is shown for me through his hard work he does as a State Trooper;through his eyes as he tells me I love you; through how he takes care of our boys; through staying faithful to me even in a very tempting job environment. So I can say I would not have thought this is where I would be at age 27. I really thought I would be in the mission field fighting of diseases and bringing the Word to a foreign people. But like Psalms says,As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.Psalm 18:30. I love being a wife and Mother. I love staying at home. I love washing dishes and vacuuming (most of the time hehe..). I love what God has called me to do.
He has a specific purpose for our lives I believe and a general purpose. I believe the general purpose is to come to know Christ as your Savior and to glorify God. For each person I do believe He has a specific plan. Some He wants to go to other countries and spread the good news of His Gospel. Others he wants them to work at places we think you may not share the Gospel, like Wal-Mart,Burger King,and so on. Then He has those like me, and many of you, who are to stay at home with your children and teach them His laws,Word,and statues. I remember growing up used to want to be a lawyer. It was my dream. I watched a lot of Matlock. :) I wanted that even until I was in high school. I did not want to be a wife or a Mother really. My Mom stayed home with us until I was in the 10th grade. Some unfortunate events happened and she had to go to work and bring in income. But in that God used her and still uses her to spread His Word to those she meets and works with. God knew she would have to go to work one day and since she was willing to be a light,He continues to bless her. I just never thought I would find the man of my dreams. Didn't we all want that? The guy who made us swoon. The one who said all the right things. I think most of us did.
After high school I waited 2 years before entering college. I met some people and begin attending a new church. There I think I really begin to trust God with all of my life. I had said a prayer at 10 asking Jesus into my heart,but I really did nothing after that. I really had no clue what it was like to live for God or be on fire with passion for the Lord. I did not have wild life,but I had no passion. I said vain prayers and wasted much of my time. In my early 20's I began to devour the Word. I would stay in my room for hours reading and highlighting and writing down passages. My Momma would come into check on me and see if I was alright. I then went on a mission trip that really rocked my world. I knew I was designed for a purpose and my heart went to missions. Three years went by and I had graduated from college and found the man of my dreams. Though he doesn't always say the right things,he does make me swoon. His love for me does not have to be shown with diamonds or flowers. It does not have to be in a Valentine's present each year with a dozen of roses. His love is shown for me through his hard work he does as a State Trooper;through his eyes as he tells me I love you; through how he takes care of our boys; through staying faithful to me even in a very tempting job environment. So I can say I would not have thought this is where I would be at age 27. I really thought I would be in the mission field fighting of diseases and bringing the Word to a foreign people. But like Psalms says,As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.Psalm 18:30. I love being a wife and Mother. I love staying at home. I love washing dishes and vacuuming (most of the time hehe..). I love what God has called me to do.
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