It's Gonna Be Worth It

I have not been around much due to the morning/afternoon sickness and just being busy. I wasn't sick up until week 7,then it got bad and that was last week. I eat pretty good in the morning and at lunch,then for a short period I am blah and feel sick. Sometimes it last until I go to bed and sometimes it doesn't. I got to see my Nurse Midwife(she is in the hospital,so technically a Certified Nurse Midwife) on the 6th of November. She had Thyroid surgery not long ago and was only going to be in for 2 weeks and then out until the first of January. We corresponded through email and she saw me on a day she doesn't see patients. I think it's pretty cool I have that close of a relationship with her.

So we talked about the pregnancy and the birth. I did not know what to really expect as far as what she would suggest. There are 12 months between all the pregnancies. With Daniel I found out right around his 1st birthday I was pregnant and the same thing happened this time. When Aaron had turned 1 I was already 4 weeks. I never would have dreamed that would have happened either. We were not planning to have anymore so soon due to medical factors. I had 2 c-sections after laboring a good while with both boys. My uterus just wasn't in great shape and we wanted to wait at least 2 years. She asked first what I wanted and I was honest with her. I told her I had no clue what I wanted. We talked about it a little more and she told me what she would suggest. I trust her and value her opinion. She gave me the reasons and I really do know it is for the best. She suggested to schedule a c-section at 39 weeks. Though it is not what I want at all,I do think it would be wiser this time around. She said if there were 18 months between each birth she would suggest labor some,but she just doesn't want to risk anything. She helped me last time go for a VBAC and we really thought it was going to happen. I was very let down and very depressed about not getting the vaginal birth. It was like working to hard and it crashing on you. I still do not know why it could not just magically happen,but all I knew to do was trust God.

Like I said we were not planning anymore for awhile,well, obviously God had other plans for us. I know He knows what is best,but it didn't change the fact I was a little scared. I never wanted a period so bad. I went to the bathroom numerous time a day for like a week and just knew I would not be pregnant. It's not that we did not want more children,but it was the timing. We knew for about 2 weeks before telling our families and friends. We are excited! It just doesn't feel real. I can't believe I'll be a mother for 3. So after talking with Cindy and I consulted Tammy(the friend I used for my Doula,who is also a Midwife) I think we will just schedule a c-section. I really don't have a choice unless I want to fight for labor. I trust Cindy and I know she isn't just doing this to get me out of her way. She wants to be there with us during the c-section and afterwards to help me nurse. She is a wonderful woman and Nurse Midwife.

I have to be honest though. My heart is hurting. I long for the natural birth. I did both labors before without medication,but never got the vaginal birth. It's just something I am very passionate about. Sometimes my passions can really hurt me,if that makes sense. I am very determined and very strong willed when I think it is the only way or the right way. My NM isn't saying I can never have a vaginal birth,just that I should let more space be between the births. So I know it is possible,it would just be a lot of changes in my eating habits,more so than with the last pregnancy. I have so much to write,but just am not ready yet. I really need God to heal me inside,emotionally. I know it may sound silly to some of you,I thought so too when I would read about women not birthing how they wanted and being very upset. But your prayers would be appreciated. I know I am no less of a woman just because I have to have a c-section,but deep down you hear a lot of things from the enemy. You see these other women have 4 and 5 hour births with no problem and you labor for 42 hours with no avail. It really will scar you. I know on the other side I may know why God chose this path for me,but for now all I can do is praise Him in the storm. I know also I have SO much to look forward too. A sweet little baby. A newborn. Another child to rear by God's Word. I am so blessed,but I am deeply wounded. Yes, we'll have the c-section and I will bring that beautiful baby home,but when I'm all alone I will always wonder why this path God.

Thank you for your prayers and comments.

God's Blessings

We found out last week that I am pregnant with our third child. We were a little shocked,but happy too. I was really hoping for that time of the month to roll around. Aaron just turned a year on the 23rd. I was a little concerned with my body. I had 2 c-sections with the last 2 babies and my uterus was not in great shape. I kept thinking there is no way I can be pregnant again. But after talking to God,my husband,and friends I know God has my best interest at heart.

It's not easy being a Mother,but it is so rewarding. I get to impact souls directly for the kingdom. Wow. It's not easy giving up your fertility to God either. I don't use birth control,but only chart my fertility. I believe it's the best and most natural way to space your kids out if you wish. There are 21 months between Daniel and Aaron and there will be 21 months between Aaron and this baby. Ironic? I think not. I kept thinking how in the world will I take care of 3 under 3? Daniel will be 3 1/2 and Aaron will be almost 2. I know there will be tough days,but God will be there to guide me. He will provide me with the strength and grace to parent and take care of these little ones. I feel humbled and honored really.

Who knows how many more we will have? I don't,but God does. He will watch over me and the baby these 9 months and bring us through delivery. I'm not sure about how I will deliver either. I want a VBAC,but we will have to see. God knows how I will deliver. I can strive for the best and He will work out the rest. Just keep us in your prayers. We do not live close to family or friends. So it can be stressful for me when my husband leaves and goes to work daily. Thank you! Off on another journey!

What is the true origin of Christmas?

After reading this post from Ashley@Putting God First and then this one from Sarah Mae@Like a Warm Cup of Coffee, I started thinking about somethings. My husband likes the part of Christmas that pertains to the birth of Christ,but he doesn't like the commercialization of it. I don't either,but I love to decorate and pull the Christmas Tree out. I have been wanting to do something different though. Not the same ol' thing. Different is born in me,it's a part of my being. It always has been. My Mother will be the first to tell you that. When everyone else was wearing the new styles,I stuck with my old ones. When everyone else was doing this,I was doing opposite. Now, that I'm a believer in Christ I want to be the different He wants me to be. Back to the Christmas subject. On Sarah Mae's post she talks about Advent Calender and the Jesse Tree. That isn't the only website for the Jesse Tree,but I liked the devotions and ornaments from that one. I really liked that idea! I thought, I will tell my husband about it and see what he thinks. I wanted to incorporate more about Jesus birth and not just about presents and we don't do the whole santa claus thing either. My husband liked the idea,but suggested we just keep our tree or get a smaller one. We both said we could keep talking about it and see what we would do. I used to be one who thought without a Christmas Tree it just didn't feel like Christmas. How naive of me. How ridiculous. I always said well it's just a family tradition that I love to do. Decorate the tree,the house,and go looks at lights. Hmm.... I think God is stirring something in me and calling me to let go of somethings.

Today I read this post from At the Well. I really liked it. I read about why Lisa and her family do not do Halloween and read some of the links. God prompted me to do a search on the origin of Christmas..... Did I want too? Sort of,but not completely. I found a few sites that I skimmed over found some pretty disturbing facts. I found one I was reading,but I haven't finished. It seems very reliable,but I haven't read it all. This is the site,ChristmasTruth.info . It hasn't got the author or anything about who is composing the information. If anyone could help me find out who it is,I would like that. It isn't just a thrown together site that's for sure,it has resources with each statement. The others I found were with denominations.

 I started thinking, I can't not do "Christmas"! What will our family think? Our friends? My husband? I'm not saying what I will do as of now. I do know that God has brought me to this for a reason. I discussed it some with my husband this morning and he said we could do some research and pray about it to see what God takes us. I have come to a place over the last year where I am ready and willing to let go of the tradition though. By that I mean, the decorating and all. It's about Christ,not a tree,or decorations. From some of the sites I have been reading the day we celebrate his birth is nowhere close to the  date some have gained from facts. It's a pagan day for the sung god. I won't go into more about all that, you can read and research it. If it is a pagan holiday that is still celebrated and it is not even remotely close to his birthday I just do not want to celebrate it on that day. I'm an all or nothing type of person. My husband will tell you that.

Is it crazy that God may be leading me not to celebrate Christmas on this day? I don't know. I don't think it is. He calls us to things that He may not call others too. I'm not writing this to condemn or judge,as my blog says it's from my heart. I have questions and I just want to do what God wants us to do,not my family,friends,or the world. Anyone have any thoughts for me? We are a very different family anyways,so this wouldn't shock anyone I don't think. They may think we are nuts,but oh well I guess. My husband and I will be researching and praying about this. Thanks for reading and for any input.

God Always Confirms

I just love when God confirms His promises and our prayers. He is such a big,loving God!

Thursday I asked everyone and God to give me peace over the weekend while my husband was out of town. It can get a little chaotic with a 2 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. I'm a planner by nature and well it is hard to really plan with little ones,something usually doesn't go as planned. When I read my verse for the day, it was John 14:27, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. I was just amazed. That quick,Lord? So I went to mark it off in the calender(it's a David Wilkerson verse calender that I love) and I was going to share the verse so I went to it again. At the time I wasn't paying attention to the number of the verse. The book actually had John 14:7 instead of verse 27. So I was like okay did I read the wrong one? But no I did not. God gave me that verse so I would know His peace was my peace. How awesome is that? It's been awhile since I have had God or that I have noticed God do something like that for me. I love Him so much,though I fail so much! Oh How he loves us,oh how He loves,how He loves us oh! I love that song! Sometimes I just weep while listening to it. Such a big God loves me. A number to the world,just a nobody. But to God I am a beautiful daughter of His!


Today At the Well in our study Makeover of the Heart, Tracy said something in her video that was later confirmed through scripture. She talked about how the devil was trying to steal her joy,but for my he tries to make me feel like God does not love me when bad or unexpected things happen,even small things. She said no weapon formed against me shall prosper,this verse I know by heart. I learned it years ago. No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD. Isaiah 54:17 Low and behold it is my verse for today. I have to start realizing God may allow things to happen,but it is to grow me closer to Him. The devil is the one who delights in evil things that happen to people,not God. God does not want bad to come to people,but when you are not His child you open yourself up to it more and even when you are His child bad things will happen. 


Which leads to the next verse that was in my 5 minute devotion.And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9 When things do happen,God's grace is extended to me and sufficient for me. All I have to do is call upon His name. God is so awesome! Words cannot describe how much He does care for us. Why would He give us little promises throughout the day and little reminders He is our Father, if He did not love us so much?


Yes,God's grace is always sufficient,and His arms are always open to give it. But,will our arms be open to receive it? -Beth Moore


God's saints in all ages have realized that God was enough for them. God is enough for all time; God is enough for eternity. God is enough!- Hannah Whitall Smith


Dear Lord, as I face the challenges of this day, You protect me. I thank You,Father, for Your love and for Your strength. I will lean upon You today and forever. Amen.

Another Video About Prayer

Here is something I found on the Voice of Martyr's blog, Check it out. Sued Over Prayer.

I have some ideas for Christmas I am going to write about soon. :) So stay tuned!

The Advent Conspiracy

I came across something interesting on Ashley @ Putting God First. It is called The Advent Conspiracy. It is definitely something I wanted to share with ya'll. Have a blessed day!

Prayer and Planned Parenthood

This is a video I stumbled across and I thought it was very disturbing. I wanted to share with you all! Click here for the video. Share with others!!

You Are Beautiful

My study this week centered on the way God sees us as women verses the way the world or even others see us. I have a passion to see women be who God wants them to be and see themselves that way; a passion to see women come back to modesty in their life.

It's really so sad to see so many girls/women dress the way they do and act the way they do. It breaks my heart. God has some pretty awesome thoughts about us as His children and daughters,but so many times we let the enemy,others,or ourselves define who we are. We often forget we are not defined by others,the world,the devil,or our circumstances. I have even been subject to do this to myself. There are so many billboards, commercials,shows on t.v.,and lots of other things that make women out to be seductive,evil,and dumb. I believe we are by nature sinners and without Christ we are those things. Even with Christ we can still be those things unless we submit every area to Him. The Word says to take captive the thoughts and submit them to the authority of Christ.


 ³ For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:

 ⁴(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

 ⁵Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

 ⁶And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled. 

  II Corinthians 10:3-6

This is a quote from the study "You see, Satan desires to have women in a stronghold of exploitation,sexplotiation,distortion,and desolation. He knows how effective and influential women can be,so he works through society to convince us we are so much less than we are." -Beth Moore. How true is this? A lot of men do not think this way either,but the world leads us to believe all men view us this way. It's an ugly cycle. When I was in college I grew a lot in my relationship with the Lord. Before I went off to college I defined myself by what others thought of me. I was the 4-eyed,skinny,shy girl that never spoke unless spoking too for fear of saying something stupid or dumb. God begin a process in me and He is not finished yet. He begin to draw me into His chambers and show me how He sees me. Even though I had let go of a lot of the insecurities and timidness in college, I still was defining beauty by my looks. You would not catch me out of the house with make up on! I went to the tanning bed to become tan looking so I would be pretty to others and even myself. I always had to fix my hair no matter what. I was defining myself through society and others. I begin to realize make up,tanning,and my hair did not define who I was. God defined who I was. To Him according to the Word I was beautiful. Not just on the outside,but on the inside. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14 This became a verse God spoke to me and it is one of my favorites verses. Fearfully in this context meant something majestic and beautiful,not ugly. I now go out in public without make up some and I certainly don't fix my hair no matter what. I also have not went to the tanning bed in almost 5 years. I see myself the way Christ sees me and it helps that my husband sees me that way too. He loves me even when my face is all broke out,I am fair as Snow White,and my hair is all sorts of ways! It breaks God's heart when we,as women and girls, try to gain the world's approval by our dress or looks. He sees us on the inside and if we are born again in Christ,we are beautiful . He does not care if our nose is too big in our eyes or if are hips are too small in our eyes,He made us perfectly the way He wanted our bodies. Our bodies are to honor Him.

Another thing Beth addresses is how we see ourselves is how we will act. We act out who we think we are. If that makes sense. ¹⁰I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10 "I also believe this is how the enemy sees you. He just does not want you to know it. His job is to deceive us into believing we are so much less than we are. Why? Because he knows we'll act like who we think we are. No matter what has happened to us,what we have done,or where we have been, you and I are brides! It's high time we see ourselves as we really are." -Beth Moore. I believe this is so true! After I had my second son, I was in a depression. I had to c-sections that were not planned and were thought would be a vaginal birth. A few days after the birth, I remember thinking I am such a failure. I cannot even birth my own child. I did not want to admit this to anyone,but this is how I felt. It was all a lie! I had birthed them,but had to have help. They were both still my blood sons! Instead of seeing how good I had done during labor and trying to get them here, I believe the lies the devil wanted me too. I wasn't any less of a woman than any other woman,but I was acting like it. 

Don't see yourself as any other way,but how God sees you. If you have asked forgiveness of the sins you commit,God sees you as clean. This is something I am passionate about. We can be so affective when we see and act as God sees us. 

  ¹³The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold.

 ¹⁴She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee.

 ¹⁵With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king's palace.

  Psalm 45:13-15

In America?

A friend of mine sent me this link. It is crazy what the government or States want our Law Enforcement Officers to be doing. They could be fighting the real crime and not something petty. Take a look.

http://www.persecutionblog.com/2010/06/dearborn-michigan-wont-allow-distribution-of-the-gospel-in-public-areas.html

Here is something my friend sent me. This is pretty disturbing! I'm sort of in shock over this one. Take a look.

http://www.adfmedia.org/News/PRDetail/4140

Is this America or Russia? Or China? Or what? This is insane. These are the things I want to make known to many who do not know about it. I had no clue about these 2 incidents,thank to Hollie I do now and I am making you aware of them. All comments will have to be approved by me. I don't mind a disagreement,but no foul language of any kind will be posted. Thank you! Let freedom ring!

Back In Business

It's been quite awhile since I have wrote anything here,but I want to start using it again. My other blog Becoming A Titus 2 Woman is where I do weekly meme's. I want to use this one to rely important info that the mainstream media will not tell you and also to write what is on my heart. I pray it blesses,encourages,and informs!!

So I'll begin with my morning. I woke up very early to go get groceries. I love getting up early to do this. I get to drive alone and shop alone,giving me time to meditate,pray,and ponder. I was hoping not to spend too much on groceries(not just food,but other things included) since we did an Angel Food Ministry box for this month. I always make a list and try very hard to stick to it. I compared prices and bought brands we usually don't get to try and cut down on cost. I got to the register and was chatting with the cashier,when she said the amount,which was only $41 over what I wanted to spend,but still. My heart sank. I remembered I had a coupon for the gas drops and it knocked $2 dollars off. I kept thinking, 'What did I do? I stuck to my list and I even got things that were cheaper than what we normally buy.' Our budget is tight usually at the first of the month like most families.

I thought to myself, we will never get ahead. We will never get out of the small apartment with many,many neighbors, and lots of crime(not so much at the apartment,but around us). I strapped on my seat belt,turned the radio up,and went along with the errands. Chris Tomlin's new song 'Our God' came on and listening to the words encouraged me. Our God is greater,our God is stronger. And if our God is for us,then what can stop us? And if our God is with us,then what can stand against? I popped in one of my worship song cd's and just soaked it up. I could hear the Lord saying You will get out. You will make it. I have overcome. I started thinking about all the ways God had provided for us in the past. I remembered the verse in Philippians 4:19 where he says that he will provide all our need. My heart begin to smile a little. I also remembered that we aren't always promised an easy road. But I did remember He said cast your care upon me. So that is just what I did. I told the Lord, I know it looks bad and we still have other bills to pay and our tithe to give,but we will give and we will make it. He knows what we do not know and all I need to do is trust.

This was my daily verse for the day. Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22  I read it while lunch was baking in the oven. I smiled and thanked God. I was tempted not to tithe,but I said no devil you are not scheming me. We will give our tithe and our support to some missionary friends. I refuse to give in and be sad or discouraged. I hope you do too!!